Summary
A REPORT from the government-backed Economic and Social Research Council has found that women now lust after men as much as men traditionally lusted after women. This is an alarming thought for a fellow who has innocently advanced through life without once having his bottom pinched by predatory fingers in a crowded lift. But is it true? As I sit at my desk writing this column in an aqua-blue Terylene and cotton mix shirt, beneath which the webbing of my string vest is clearly visible, are the gazes of nubile computer operatives secretly undressing me? Do the heart-shaped mouths of blonde sales executives drool when I reach into my hip pocket for a handkerchief, with which to check a minor eruption from the persistent boil, which has taken root in my left nostril.
During the recent heatwave, when climbing an escalator from the tube station, with green steam belching from the sides of my suede moccasins, I had the strangest sensation that eyes were fixed like limpets to the gentle sway of my buttocks. Goosepimples of anticipation tingled up and down my inner thighs. On reaching the top, however, I was confronted by a man of military bearing. 'I think these fell from your back pocket,' he said, handing me my return train tickets. I smiled in pathetic gratitude.See the full content of this document
Extract
Chilled the Soul Before They Had Finished the Journey
There was no point denying it. Here was the truth. I am 57 and nobody has ever lusted after me and those years, when I might have prompted lustful thoughts, are disappearing a...
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